Trigger affecting writing

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Where has the time gone, I can’t believe it has been a little over a week since I last posted here.  I have been pretty heavily triggered lately which has made it difficult to keep track of time and write.  I have started to write over the past week not just here but every time I start to I find myself in a bit of a panic and then my thoughts are gone.  I am new to this whole feelings thing and writing has been a great way to not only express my feelings but to get them flowing.  Seems that no matter what it is I am writing about feelings start bubbling to my consciousness.  This is a good thing.

Problem is that when I am heavily triggered I tend to get bombarded and overwhelmed with emotions and not the good kind either.  Usually writing helps me process those feelings and eases the sense of being overwhelmed.  Truth is this past week I haven’t wanted to process them I wanted to ignore and forget them.  Thus the panic when I try to write.  Why I have I been so resistant lately?  Not sure but I think that it may be because I have been dealing with an injury(dislocated hip and a bunch of pulled muscles)  this past week and the combination of the physical and emotional was just too much especially since the physical is what has triggered the intrusive thoughts, emotions and flashbacks.

The injury is healing up well and now I am not feeling such a panic when I start to write.  Which means now I can start processing the emotions I have tried to ignore so I can get back to writing.  I really have missed it.  Luckily I have therapy today so S can help me do this.

Very Triggered Today

Easter has always been a difficult day for us.  But today we are having a harder time than usual coping with it.  I don’t know if it is because we are alone and don’t have anyone here to distract us or if there is another reason.

What I do know is that we are bombarded with flashbacks, body memories, raging emotions, intrusive images and feeling an extreme urge to punish myself.

I started writing this post because I have so much going through my head that I thought it would be good to get it out but I am so scattered now that I can’t find the words to type.  So, I guess this is going to be a short post.  Guess I will crawl back in bed and bury myself under the covers and hope this day hurries up and gets over.